Karen Marzo

Stupid Things We Do…  You know… most of them can turn into a positive if we choose. 

Examples:

1)     My sister was getting her hair cut by her daughter outside.  Her son-in-law decided to hose her down.  STUPID thing to do to your Mother-in-Law…  But what are her choices?  Get angry… call him names… or laugh about it… 

My theory?  If you’d secretly or openly laugh if it happened to someone else, you should laugh if it happens to you.

2)  My girlfriend’s husband has been working tons of overtime with his job right now.  This weekend, he called her by his boss’s name (another woman).  What could have been a huge fight turned into a laughing fest… with the realization that he needed to cut back on his hours and that they could pay a little less on their bills each month.

These are just a couple of examples.  Nothing major, yet I’ve seen friendships, relationships, families, torn apart from simple misunderstanding.  When you mis-speak or do something you later regret, apologize and don’t do it again.  If you’re hurt by something someone else said or did… communicate and/or ask yourself, have I ever done anything similar?

“KITES RISE AGAINST THE WIND!”  Renae Putnam

Without adversity everyone once in a while we don’t rise to the next level!  Appreciate the stupid things you and others do for the humor they bring.

To love and honor others is a blessing we all have.  The famous quote says “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

Here is a story about such love and honor.  If I hadn’t seen it myself, I don’t know if I’d believe it.  But I did see it and I want to pass it on to you!

Another Yellowstone story:  As it is with the circle of life, the weak are preyed upon by those who feed off of them and feed their young.  That being the case, a Bison who had slipped into a boiling pot had much of the flesh burned off his hind legs.  This caused the Bison to move slower than the others.  A pack of wolves looking for dinner, came upon the Bison herd and picked out this Bison to attack.  They took him down and the first round of feasting began.  As nature would have it the rest of the herd for survival had to run for safety.

Hours later the wolves retreated.  As onlooker watched to see what other animals might come in to feast something beautiful happened.  The herd of Bison returned.  Now this in my mind is not a smart thing for this herd to do.  There is the smell of fresh meat and any number of preditors could come at any moment.

As we watched we thought it was just another herd of Bison.  But this particular herd began to gather around the deceased Bison.  They all gathered for several minutes, then a large group of them moved away and a handful remained.  This is when we realized these Bison, with feelings we had not concidered, were having some type of ritual.  A Bison funeral so to speak.

Bison Funeral taken by Ed and Jack Marzo

One by one the rest of the Bison moved away a short distance gathering with the rest of the herd and looking back at the one downed Bison.  Finally there was only one Bison left.  It nodded it’s head, then in an appearance lowered it’s head for several minutes.   About 10 minutes of standing there with it’s head bowed, he too began to move away.  Only this one would go a few feet then look back.  Walk a few more feet then look back.  Then walk with his heard looking back.  Finally he reached the rest of the herd.  The herd gathered around him and slowly they all walked away.

This was the most touching sight I had ever seen.  I know these Bison were greaving their dead.  There is no doubt in my mind.  I myself gained a new love of nature and of animals in general.  If they can love so deeply, so can I.

I decided that day to start honoring and loving more fully those who are around me.  I don’t want to wait until the end.  Do you love as fully as these Bison did?  Would you risk your life to tell a loved one you LOVE them?

Smile!  Just one moment at a time.  Smiling is a form of laughter.  It helps to relieve stress, put things into perspective and improve productivity…  it is also physically healing…

Have a smile filled day on purpose!

Have you ever had a day when you just needed a charge?  Give me some positive electricity!  If you picked your friends wisely, this is where they come in, and you for them. 

A good friend:

Someone you can play in the leaves with.

Someone you can be silly with and/or get dressed up and be serious in public with.

Someone you can vent to who won’t try to solve, they’ll just listen.

Someone who will take you to get ice cream on those days you just want to cry.

Someone who can hear in your voice on the phone that you need them.

Someone who loves you enough that they will only let you be negative for so long before they tell you to not let this ugly situation change you in an ugly way.

Someone who points out your strengths when you feel like you have none.

Someone who points out your strengths even when you know you have some.

Someone who lets you share with them and build them up when they are down.

Someone who loves you regardless of what your hair, make-up, clothes or whatever looks like today.

Have a Friend! 

Be a Friend! 

Take Care of Your Social and Emotional Needs! 

Reconnect with People ‘cuz that’s where it is all at!

It’s been raining here and as I travel, it been raining throughout most of the USA.  Today however the sun is shining with its glorious warmth!  It’s good to remember that the sun is always shining as we discussed in an earlier blog… but don’t forget on the delightful days like today to stop and appreciate all the joy and blessings you have!  Feel the warmth of the sun and appreciate it.  Watch the animals curl up in a spot of sunshine, see the plants suck in the rays for their growth, bask in the vitamin D producing rays yourself.  It will fuel you for those rainy days.

Frustration is an overwhelming emotion.  It rarely has any positive effects, unless you use it to motivate yourself to action.  Frustration from others builds up a negative vibe that will quickly surround us if not repelled. 

We’ve all been frustrated, annoyed, even angry when we couldn’t depend on someone else to do what they said they would.  Why would you put yourself on the other side and be the one warranting such negative emotions and energy waves directed directly at you?  You are not just letting other people down.  You are reinforcing to yourself that you are telling a lie, that you are a procrastinator, etc…  None of these are things we want.

So… to live a more positive life, only say you’ll do the things you know you’ll be able to and then do them.  If you say yes and find out that you cannot, immediately let the other person know.  People would much rather hear ”NO” so they can make other plans, than to think it’s getting done and find out too late that it wasn’t. 

BE DEPENDABLE FOR A MORE POSITIVE LIFE!

Yesterday while I was speaking one of my audience participants challenged me or called me on the carpet so to speak.  “You cannot tell me you can come up with 10 things every day to be grateful for.”  I’ll tell you what I told her…  I do my very best!

True example:

September 16, 2008

I’m speaking in my home town and have a late flight (5 hours to sit and wait in the airport – ‘cuz the family is busy)…  I’m not in an attitude of gratitude mood… just got up on the wrong side of the bed that day.  Just before my session ends for the day, I get an emergency phone call from home.  My son was being rushed to ER… he had given up the hope that things would be okay and suicide had looked like his only way out. 

Okay Karen… find 10 gratitudes for that moment.  I’ll tell you it was hard, but as you read in his Mother’s Day tribute to me, it was what saved both of our lives.  I was strong internally because I had hope.  I had hope because I practiced having an attitude of gratitude. 

Gratitudes

1. He was alive and physically well

2. I had 5 whole hours with him in ER before my flight.

3. I got to be on the road working for the next two week to keep my mind occupied – visits were limited anyway and this way I could talk to him every day – several times a day by phone.

4. I had a best friend I could call and cry with

5. Grateful for my faith

6. Grateful for my husband and his support.

7. Grateful for my sister Julie and her insight and love.

8. Grateful we have one of the leading psych hospitals/wards in the country

9. Grateful we have THE Expert/Teaching doctor on one of the treatments they needed to give him.

10. Grateful to hold him in my arms and tell him I love him.

etc…

You see, what I’ve been told by my son is that he expected to see a Mom that was all freaked out and upset.  What he saw instead was one with love and pain for him in her eyes.  Without realizing what had happened, from listing my gratitudes while I rushed to ER to be with him, I had taken the focus off of “poor me” and placed it where it belonged – ON HIM – and only him!

Now do I really do my gratitudes every single day?  No!  I’d like to say I do, but some days like most of us I’m just not in the mood.  I’ve challenged myself to do 20 on these days and I can certainly see the difference between mood cycles when I practice an attitude of gratitude.

So to answer the challenge I was given yesterday.  I have good moods, bad moods and indifferent moods… but my life is a much more positive place to be when I can hold on to an attitude of gratitude.  It doesn’t take bad things away… but it does put you in a frame of mind to deal with them from a position of strength, hope and faith!

I am grateful for the mysteries of life that keep us on our toes!

I’ve stated that an Attitude of Gratitude is the place to start.  What if you have nothing to be grateful for that day?  I may have already stated this, but when I started my Attitude of Gratitude Journal, I couldn’t think of a thing to write.  Nothing!  My husband finally asked me if I was grateful I could breath… quite frankly, I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for that or not…  For the first two weeks all I could think of to write down were bodily functions…  and that was a stretch for me… I’d say “I’m thankful for my eyes so I can see”… then follow it with something negative like, “even if my eyesight is getting worse because I’m getting old – and I’m getting fat – and I’m getting uglier”…  you get the idea…

So what do you have to be grateful for?  Can you let the negative after-thoughts go?  Try simple things like:

8) I’m grateful for my eyes so I may see the beauties of nature.

8) I’m grateful for my ears to hear the singing of birds, or the melodious sound of a loved ones voice.

8) I’m grateful for my nose and sense of smell.

8) I’m grateful I can breath.

8) I’m grateful my bowels work.

8) I’m grateful I can write what I’m grateful for.

8) I’m grateful for my hands so I may touch soft and soothing things.

8) I’m grateful for my tongue so I may taste the sweetness of ice-cream.

8) I’m grateful for my mouth so I may speak.

8) I’m grateful for my legs so I may stand.

8) I’m grateful for my big toes so I may keep my balance better.

8) I’m grateful for my feet so I may walk.

8) I’m grateful for my skin, blood, organs (kidneys, liver, heart, etc…)

If you add why you are grateful for whatever you are grateful for, it is much easier to eliminate the negative after-thoughts!

I’ve given you a dozen or so examples.  Use them if you must.  Some of them may or may not apply to you and/or your situation.  So try to come up with your own.  Within a few weeks the list will turn to sunshine and glory.

Gratitude Journal   

I am grateful for:

My grandson and his hugs and kisses

My children and their hugs and I Love You Moms

My loving and supportive brothers and sister

My Career – I love my job so much I do it for free – I get paid to travel – that’s the ugly part! (Big Cheesy Grin)

Participants that give me high scores and say nice things on my evaluations after a training

The opportunity to write this blog periodically

My long time friends and my new friends (thanks for your comment Long)

My faith

My sense of humor

A beautiful planet I get to live on – God’s handy work is amazing to me where ever I travel.

Bonus

A sense of purpose – so each day starts off as a new adventure with a road map – so when those detours happen I can quickly get back on track!

These are my ten general ones…  Daily they change to add specific comments people make, something beautiful I’ve seen, a sense of well being from an event, etc…

I was asked the other day where positive living begins.  I’ll tell you!

It starts with creating a daily habit of writing down ten things you are grateful for!  A gratitide journal.  Even when I’m down… I come up with ten things to be grateful for.  It keeps me from going over the edge of bad attitude.

Have an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE!

This is the best starting point ever!

I use to sing every morning.  This would not only pick me up mentally, it also gave me more energy.  Now sometimes I travel with other speakers… many did not appreciate me being so chipper in the morning so I stopped singing to keep from offending them.  But this morning was such a great morning that I sang anyway (I’m traveling alone this week).  You know what?  I feel so much better!  I’ll be courteous enough to meet others needs, but from now on I’m going to SING Sunshine into my day!  Yes I’ll just do it in my sleeping room instead of while I’m setting up my meeting room.

A dear friend came over today and was telling me about a talk he had heard.  The speaker was a pilot and was talking about times of terrible thunderstorms.  When the skies are dark, the clouds filled with storm, the pilots hold tight for a window of opportunity to take off.  Some may ask why they would even try to fly in such terrible weather.  They stay grounded until they know they are safe to take flight.  This pilot talked about the difficulties they have even once they’ve been cleared with the plane as it takes off.  The wind is against them, the clouds cover much of their vision, but the pilots know without a doubt one thing.  The sun is always shining (even at night somewhere else the sun is shining).  Once they pass the turbulent times they rise above the clouds to a beautiful sight!  A blue horizon, a warm and glorious sun and a blanket of white that looks fluffy and soft. 

My sister Heather use to also say, “The sun is always shining.”  I had forgotten that.  I fly between 5 to 20 times a month.  I too have witnessed ugly storms with the beauty of peace and calm once we’ve risen high enough.

What gives us the strength to continue to rise is an individual thing.  My gratitude journal is one for me.  I hope each of you can find a way to rise above the storm clouds and feel the warmth of the rays of a glorious and bright sun.

My Mom’s quote is appropriate here as well. ”Kites rise against the wind.”  Renae Putnam

Every Summer I host a small back-yard carnival for my nieces, nephews, grand nieces and nephews, my own grandson, etc…  Preparing for this is such a blast!  I go to the dollar store and purchase little toys 4 and 5 at a time throughout the year.  When they play the different games they get points… with their points they get to buy these little toys from the toy table. 

It sounds like such a simple thing and it is!  But the joy in those kids eyes as they fish at the fish-pond, throw bean bags through holes, pin the ear on the elephant (we wanted to be different), etc… is enough to swell my heart and positive thoughts to last for months and months on end.

The fun is infectious!  My son builds a new game every year.  My kids’ friends volunteer to come and run the games, and my neighbors have started bringing their children too.  The joy just spreads and spreads.

If you need a pick me up… have some kind of a party for children, friends and/or neighbors.  It gets you out there socializing, it gives you something to plan and succeed at, and it will fill your heart with joy!